Read the following quote twice.
Be silent for the most part, or, if you speak, say only what is necessary and in a few words. Talk, but rarely, if occasion calls you, but do not talk of ordinary things — of gladiators or hoses races or athletes or of meats or drinks — these are topics that arise everywhere. — Epicte
Most people cannot shut up, or in other words, they don’t know where and when to stop.
It always reminds me of my grandmother; she never went to school, but her wisdom was top-notch. She used to say that she always spoke less and listened more. To support her argument, she used the following quote.
There is a reason we have two ears and one mouth.
Let’s try to understand why people talk a lot and then try to understand the science behind it.
We are social animals. Humans are programmed to communicate for their survival. Undoubtedly, communication is important to thrive.
According to this Scientific American study, 60% of people’s conversations are about themselves.
But why do people love to talk a lot?
Silence is a greatly underestimated source of power. In silence, we can hear not only what is being said but also what is not being said. In silence, it can be easier to reach the truth. — Peter Bergman
The reason is simple: they want to feel good.
I can give a couple of examples from my social circle, and every family has a person who talks a lot or shares more than needed.
How to shut up
I got into the habit of keeping (shut up part)the following things to myself.
- Don’t share your weakness; people will use it against you in the future.
- I don’t share my achievements. However, I love to celebrate with family and friends after achieving them.
- I don’t share my future plans with anyone but myself. For example, I started many businesses and shared the first sale or tiny success with my family. Those businesses are dead. I have developed this habit of sharing something, including family members, once it’s successful. For example, I started a YouTube channel and uploaded a couple of videos; one video got 300+ views in a couple of hours. I shared the success story with family members. Instead of praising me, they started laughing at how I looked or talked to the camera in a funny and humble way. After that, I never share any side hustle with anyone, including my partner. Now, I only share after a certain threshold. First, I developed a habit of establishing that venture with 110% effort, and if it still did not work out. Then there is no point in sharing; if it worked out, it’s time to do a family BBQ or take my wife on a trip with a big surprise.
- I don’t share my relationship struggles. I truly believe it should be resolved between partners; they know way better than others. We made a pact: my wife and I were not going to share our relationship struggles with our parents because they would play a biased role, which would hurt the relationship.
- I don’t like to share my material possessions.
- I like to keep my act of kindness secret. If I helped someone, it should stay with or die with me. I don’t brag about it at all.
- I used to share my struggles on how I studied hard to get this job. I used to think it might motivate someone, but I don’t do it. I think my character is enough to motivate.
Here is a great strategy by Peter on how to shut up.
If you answer your own question, you’ve lost. You’ll be answering your own questions all day, and no one else will do the work. But wait in the silence–no matter how long–until someone in the group speaks. And they will then continue to do the work necessary to lead themselves. — Peter Bregman
Proven way to stop telling people everything
We are nothing but a jumble of tiny habits. We develop this habit of speaking before we think.
There is a possibility you will reveal sensitive information if you have developed this habit of thinking before you speak. Some people call it spontaneity, but I call it BS. Don’t hurt people around you or overshare what’s happening in your life.
Book recommendation
Talk Less, Say More by Connie Dieken
Thank you for reading. I wish you a happy and healthy life.
As a new reader, please check my holistic health, productivity, and well-being stories reflecting my reviews, observations, and 30+ days of experiments (29 completed so far) to build a sustainable healthy lifestyle.
